I never thought I’d write about this, because I’ve never felt the need to talk about my problems or my past. I’ve read a lot of other people’s stories, and with many of them I could identify almost 100%. I’m writing because I’m embarrassed with myself after yet another slip.
Clearly, putting porn on and masturbating is a habit for me. There’s always some impulse, and the worst part is that despite so many resolutions that this is the end (I even mark a cross in my calendar every time I decide that), after a few days I “don’t remember” how much I don’t want to do it. Only after I’ve done it do I remember what a load of crap it is. Before, it’s as if I can’t remember, and I justify it to myself very easily. I’ll add that after just two or three days of not doing it I already feel the difference, and it’s a very positive one.
How do you deal with that? With the illusion that you want it. With putting off quitting until later. It’s an addiction like any other. I guess an alcoholic’s or a drug addict’s brain works on exactly the same principle. But how do you cut yourself off from it completely?
I already know how to block my phone. What I don’t know is what to think about in those moments, or what to do.
No published comments yet.