Reading about this problem gave me a lot of strength in the first days of a new, firm resolution. On one side there’s a strong motivation to give it up; on the other, the fear that what I’ve lost will never come back.
My rebellion against these tendencies came from falling in love and the huge emotions that came with it. After a failed attempt at a long-distance relationship, everything started moving like an avalanche. Having come to know something as beautiful as another human being, a woman, and an almost mystical connection with her, I looked at the life I had been living until then. What I saw filled me with dread, but also with hope that it could all still be rebuilt.
So I started working on myself seriously. There are already first results. The second week is going by and I have no pull at all towards pornography, pictures and so on. I have lots of energy and I feel better and better.
The only thing I’m afraid of is whether I’ll get back to full function with a woman. Because, and this is what I’m most ashamed to write, but what can I do… at some point (I don’t know how it happened; maybe something happened in my childhood?) I started getting turned on by photos of cross-dressers, and that stimulation worked on me more strongly than anything else. I would really like this to reset itself; I long for it. The only question is whether that’s possible. That’s what I keep asking myself.
I’m Marco, I’m 23, and I have enormous strength to do this, to change my life.
No published comments yet.