For three months now I’ve known that my boyfriend has a problem with porn. We’ve been together three years, and we’re both twenty-two. At first I didn’t know what was going on, what made him not want to have sex with me. It went on for two years, sometimes better, sometimes worse. It was great on summer vacation, because it was every day. But normally it was first once a week, later once every two weeks. He blamed me, said it was because of my moods, that things were monotonous. I started trying new things and coming up with ideas, I stopped showing my moods, I believed the fault was on my side, so I changed. But before this summer vacation he admitted that he watches porn every day, so at first I fell apart, my world collapsed. Because how can my guy prefer artificial sex and pumped-up, unnatural women to me, a young, attractive woman?
I was devastated, but I read up on it and started supporting him. I wanted to talk, but I ran into a problem. He said, “End of subject, I know what to do about it, and I’m not installing any blockers, because that’s ridiculous.” I said okay, I trust you. For a while I noticed a change: he wanted it, and sex was different. But at some point something didn’t feel right, so I checked his history and found about twenty videos opened there. I asked him whether he’d watched them, and he lied. We fought, because he started accusing me: why was I checking up on him, and if I did it once more, we were over, and he’d just had a moment of weakness and otherwise he hadn’t been watching.
Things were okay, but now I feel again that something is wrong. When I ask him about it, he gets angry and says he isn’t doing it, and recently he said he won’t answer that question anymore. We have sex more often, but he doesn’t want to flirt or seduce me, and when it comes to sex, he fantasizes and isn’t present. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go on like this. I want to help him, and I don’t know whether he’s telling the truth and I should trust him, or whether he’s still lying.
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