I’m already (only?) 29, and I’ll be 30 soon ;) I was hooked on porn for several years. Honestly, I don’t even remember exactly; I think about seven. With masturbation it was even worse. And I don’t mean jerking off every other day, but every day… I started when I was about 13. Oh, and I wrote “was”. Yes, was, because for a few days now I haven’t had the slightest intention of going back to that filth, no matter what happens!
Looking back, it basically ruined my life, completely and literally: from unfulfilled dreams to a divorce and shitty relations with the opposite sex. I even think it wasn’t my low self-esteem that made it hard for me to connect with women… they simply stopped interesting and attracting me!
When I think that I did it in the living room while my ex-wife was asleep in our bedroom, I get so furious that I feel shame and regret all at once. I’d tried to quit many times, but I never drew a clear line. There was never a real, grown-man decision: THAT’S IT, DONE! A few days ago I stopped completely. Porn and fapping are gone and forgotten.
How do I know it’ll be for good this time? Has anyone had a period in life, a situation where they physically and mentally couldn’t take something anymore? Then there’s no turning back. I just know it. It was my first hard, grown-up decision to free myself from this addiction, and I know I’ll make it. Most people, like me, probably don’t even realise it’s an addiction like alcoholism or drugs. Everyone says it’s fine to jerk off, and that a guy who doesn’t is a pussy, and so on. Right now I’m going through a rough patch, with mood swings: one moment I’m bursting with energy, the next I’m weak, and my head is spinning as I write this and look at the screen. But deep down I know the reward will come: getting my normal life back, and control over it! I’m cheering hard for everyone else who’s fighting this!
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