The last week has been terrible for me. I’m in my second month of quitting, but I feel like what happened recently has put me back at the beginning.
On Monday it had been a week since I last masturbated with my girlfriend, and my erections were very good, but I have a feeling that was just a full tank. In the evening I was watching a film and there was a scene with a naked woman. My heart started pounding. The next day my erections were weak, because my girlfriend was over at my place again, and it was the way it used to be. The day after that I was at a friend’s place and he put some porn on. My heart started pounding again. Like I was ill. Luckily I didn’t masturbate. Two days later my girlfriend started texting me dirty things, and my heart started beating harder again, though not as hard.
I don’t know whether all of this means a rise in dopamine, or whether my effort has gone to waste. I’m afraid the whole process is going to take longer now. I honestly don’t know what to make of any of it, or whether these attempts to “break me” will end up affecting me for the better or for the worse.
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