Hi. I have an unusual problem. I’ve been quitting for a while now. I did have a few slip-ups, relapses and so on, but I’ve started to get myself under control. I haven’t watched porn for quite a long time, the fantasies finally went away, morning erections appeared, and my libido seemed to be coming back. But recently I got into a relationship with a woman. I’ll say straight away that we haven’t had sex yet (and that’s a good thing), but we fool around, touch each other and so on, only partly undressed. We kiss, we cuddle. I like it, but when we get each other worked up like that, I feel “almost” the way I did after a porn marathon :( A strange feeling in my head, a kind of ache, or as if I’d downed half a litre of vodka or had a hangover… Then comes a jumble in my head, fog, a drop in mood and even in libido. It takes a few hours, even a few days, before I get back to a more or less normal state and mood. When I get aroused, I feel as if dopamine is flooding into my head.
I don’t know whether to just carry on quitting as I am or to stop this kind of play for a while. I should add that I don’t orgasm or get any release during it. Maybe that’s the cause? My erection while we fool around isn’t bad, around 70–80%. Overall, I notice the best mood, libido and results when I give myself as little dopamine as possible in this way. I get a similar feeling in my head when I play games: after a few good, action-packed missions I feel that “jumble in my head”. Of course, I try to limit that or not play at all. On top of all this there are fantasies about my girlfriend, which also give me a kind of dopamine high.
I keep wondering whether I should just wait and let time work wonders, or whether something about the way I’m behaving isn’t quite right.
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