I recently had sex, and I have to say this whole quitting thing is a joke. Let me make it clear right away that I’m not stressed, because I’m not working and I’m not sick. I’ve been quitting for eight months. I slipped twice, but each time only for about a week, and one of those times involved porn. My last slip was three months ago. And not only did I get hard only halfway, I came after fifteen seconds… so impotence plus premature ejaculation: the full package. I got no pleasure at all out of the sex or the orgasm. I’m starting to wonder whether I even need sex in my life. Honestly, I don’t know what to do next… :/
Yes, I’m unemployed, but not having a job doesn’t weigh on me. I don’t have kids crying for food, and the bills aren’t a worry either. You could say that on that front life is pretty idyllic, even if I’m not exactly rolling in money. I’m 29, and my adventure with jerking off and porn started, hmm… at around seventeen. Over the last few years it was heavy marathons lasting several hours, sometimes ejaculating two or three times a day. I worked my way up to hard porn: trans porn, domination, hardcore and so on.
As for my health, apart from this acquired impotence and some mild acne, I’m as fit as a fiddle. In recent years I haven’t even taken a pill for a headache, because I’ve never had headaches :) My lifestyle is very active: the gym two or three times a week and lots of cycling. Sometimes I run as well. I like travelling, so that also keeps me moving and changing my surroundings. As for the girl, it was a single date. Looks? Pretty, and she definitely had a great ass. That’s why I have no idea what’s going on.
People talk about quitting as if, by some strange coincidence, guys who quit are suddenly struck by a bolt from the blue: the perfect woman of their dreams, thanks to whom they sober up. And some guys who quit already have a girlfriend. Nothing like that has ever fallen into my lap. I’ve never fallen in love, and a lot of girls somehow can’t spark any interest in me except sexual interest. Even that I’d argue with, because maybe it only exists in my imagination: when it comes down to it, it’s a flop. But let’s assume that’s down to years of jerking off. I’ll also say right away that guys don’t interest me, so a different orientation isn’t the explanation.
What I can say is that sometimes, and lately more often than just sometimes, I have these thoughts: what am I even doing here (on planet Earth), what for, and why? I don’t feel particularly attached to being an earthly creature. Maybe that’s also why something as down-to-earth and obvious as sex doesn’t give me some amazing feeling? But then why did I jerk off for so many years? It was fun, after all…
Let me add one last thing, something I am sure of: I feel the need for closeness with another person (a girl, of course), the need to be loved and to love someone. Hugging and caressing matter to me, and that’s mostly what my short relationships looked like…
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