Seven months in
For me the drop in libido lasted three or four months (even though I never went at it as much or for as long as some people do :).
I wondered whether it would stay that way, but it worked out :)
I only had one thought: maybe I have no sex drive at all, but that’s still better than pounding away at a monitor like an animal and being crap in bed. I knew there was no other way and that there had to be something there in the end… like Columbus sailing God knows where :)
Today I have more than seven months behind me without porn or masturbation (my motivation was wanting to be good in bed)!!! I wake up with a tent almost every day. More importantly, I get an erection from just a gentle erotic fantasy (about real women)!
Overall I don’t think I’ll ever want to watch porn again, but you obviously have to keep an eye on yourself, as with any addiction. A couple of things are on my mind: what if a girlfriend of mine likes watching porn? And I’d like to find some training for sexual stamina, mainly control of ejaculation, which I’ve always had a problem with. I’d like to be a good lover.
How did the quitting go? It actually wasn’t bad; maybe I was a bit scatterbrained. Back when I was fapping, though, I was constantly weak and tired even though I only did it about once a day (a feeling like a cold, a constant weakness that got on my nerves; you think you’re just a weakling, and it’s simply the fapping).
The course of it was no magic:
- drop in libido (a long one, in my case)
- better + tents + aching balls (+ sometimes wet dreams, which brought relief)
- frequent morning tents :) (the rest as above)
The most important thing is to watch what you think about (and the moment you start fantasising, especially about pussy: wake up!!!).
The latest differences I’ve noticed:
- I hear compliments about myself more often (though, to be fair, I’m polite and well brought up ;p), and I didn’t get them before.
- I’m more focused and I feel like doing everything more; I don’t get tired so easily in general. (The same garden work that wiped me out a year ago, I did faster this year without breaking a sweat :))
- The whole winter I didn’t even have a runny nose.
As for my main pain, premature ejaculation: I found exercises online from a book by Mantak Chia. At some point you have to start doing something, because it’s not only about not wanking but also about fixing the other flaws, and this one is hugely embarrassing for me. Because of it I don’t have sex at all, because I’m afraid of finishing too fast :)
So today I started practising (I’ve already been doing Kegels once a day for a month).
Overall, the first time went badly. After seven months the sensitivity when I’m erect is enormous, even when I stare at a wall and think about that wall ;pp (I barely managed to hold it back with Kegels and squeezing, but something still came out, with absolutely no pleasure ;pp). Now I’ll try gentler movements while erect and stop at the first signs of getting close (maybe that will teach my brain not to come so fast).
Obviously these are tantric exercises and I should be patient… but on the other hand, I’m afraid this premature ejaculation might be something I’ve always had, not something caused by fapping.
Maybe, out of curiosity, I’ll go to a sensible sexologist or psychologist and see what they say.
About a year in
I haven’t masturbated or watched porn at all for about a year now. It isn’t some cross I carry every day :) Quite the opposite, I’m fine with it, heh. My problem is that I don’t know what to do with myself next, what the second step is, because I’m basically living in celibacy, more chaste than 90% of the clergy, heh. I’m 28 and for many years I haven’t had proper sex. I’m good-looking, but my fear of premature ejaculation paralyses me a bit. Because of that fear I’m scared to meet anyone, and when I did meet someone, I had trouble with my erection. SICK!!! A few months ago I had another chance at sex, but again it was a flop, out of fear, even though a few minutes earlier I’d been standing like a mast.
I got fed up and went to see a sexologist privately. The whole appointment lasted ten minutes. I told him how things were with me: that basically I’m stuck in a vicious circle between the fear of finishing too fast and trouble getting hard. He prescribed me Priligy, and I told him to throw in some Levitra or whatever as well, because my head couldn’t take another flop. I spent a fair bit of money, and now I carry two pills in my wallet like some seventy-year-old. Fuck.
I’ve got a nice date on Friday and I’m already tensing up. If things get as far as bed, maybe I’ll explain straight away that I’ve had a long break and the first time might be quick (of course I won’t say the last time I properly had sex was years ago, or I’ll look like a psycho), and I’ll take half of each of those pills anyway, to unblock myself mentally. It’s a massacre: I lost years to fapping, and now celibacy, haha.
I’m trying to do Kegels, but I have no way of checking whether they’ve done anything. I also keep up the exercise I started earlier, masturbating without ejaculating (when I get too aroused, I stop and start again a moment later). I’m lasting longer and longer, but only without any stimuli :/ If I see some beautiful woman in front of me, it’ll probably be over in a moment… because even when I was reading an erotic story, I got to the point just before far too easily.
I dream of sex becoming something fun for me, and not an unpleasant warning light in my head telling me I’m bad at it.
After the date
Well, it went more or less the way I described. The date was with a gorgeous, much younger woman, and sex was basically agreed on. Unfortunately I blew it, because I tense up about it too much. At first there was no problem with the erection: lots of kissing, I went down on her, but I could feel it would be quick, so she finished me off by hand, and it really was quick. I thought I’d rest for a bit afterwards and finally try, but nothing (as if, because of this fucking stress, a beautiful woman had stopped turning me on). Luckily she didn’t push for penetration, so she didn’t notice I wasn’t hard.
I thought, fine, I’ll quietly take half of the Levitra the doctor prescribed. The result: a pounding headache and a bone-dry mouth. Super. Genius!
Maybe if I had someone steady, I could work on it and count on some understanding. As it is, even though this woman is really nice, she wanted sex and I couldn’t get a grip on the stress. ;/ Fuck. I’m seriously thinking about going to some nice professional a few times for sex, to unblock myself, but that goes somewhat against my principles.
Another flop, but at least it doesn’t get to me any more.
Good-looking, got it together, and not getting laid ;))
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