Hi. I’m Marcus, and my only problem is MASTURBATION. It all started near the end of elementary school, when my friends and I wanted to feel grown-up and watch some porn. Then it took off: the fun with my “little friend” kept starting earlier and earlier. It peaked in eighth and ninth grade, when I was masturbating several times a day. Sometimes I did it just out of boredom. I justified it by telling myself that if I masturbated that much I would get used to it, and later, when I had sex, coming would satisfy both me and my partner.
And sure enough, I got so used to it that during my first time with a girl I really love, my little friend refused to cooperate and went his own way. While we were kissing I could feel myself getting hard; my partner felt it too and got turned on. Everything was great, beautiful, I was just about to start penetration, but my penis was half-hard and simply wouldn’t go in. She tried to guide me in, and nothing, absolutely nothing. I turned bright red, fell apart, and didn’t say a word for the rest of the evening, I was so ashamed.
The whole next day I searched for the reason for my failure, but I never suspected it could be masturbation. Then I came across articles about it and everything became clear: I’m addicted… So I decided to fight this filthy thing. I want to stop and only do it with the person I love.
I haven’t masturbated for three weeks now. During those three weeks I’ve had some morning erections and one wet dream. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, whether these are signs of addiction or nothing to worry about. I’ve also noticed a drop in my sex drive. Where every girl used to turn me on, now nothing does. But from what I’ve read, I think it’s heading in the right direction. I’m still not sure whether I can allow myself some pleasure or whether it’s better to stay abstinent. To keep from thinking about sex and anything connected with it, I go to the gym and keep myself busy with anything, just so I don’t have time to think.
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