I reached a wall I knew I had to break through

Hi,

I read most of your posts and unfortunately have to admit that all, or at least most, of the problems you discuss are reflected in my own life.

I am thirty-two and still feel addicted to pornography—or perhaps more to masturbation than pornography. I won’t describe in detail how it began and developed, because I would like to end this horrible experience as quickly as possible. But I have to admit openly that I was addicted to masturbation for twenty years and believe that I still am. I am a sociable person and don’t avoid talking to women. In fact, it is clear that women are often happy to spend time in my company.

My problem is that I lack confidence in intimate situations. I have noticed a significant decline in sexual performance, my erections last only a very short time, and frightening, strange images involving women, sex, and how both I and women should behave in bed arise in my mind. My confidence has fallen so far that I have begun avoiding penetration. Increasingly, I rely on oral sex and stimulating women with my fingers instead of using my penis.

This led me to see a sexologist, who recommended erectile-function medication, so I began taking it. Naturally, intercourse lasted much longer and the satisfaction was fine. The problem was that I began experiencing high blood pressure, and this kind of medication is probably inadvisable in that situation.

Then came the frustration and the thought that perhaps sex would be better if I did not masturbate for several days beforehand, so both my desire and the duration of intercourse might increase.

I felt trapped in a vicious cycle. I have no motivation to meet someone new, I take medication for high blood pressure, and I am afraid that I will be incapable during sex. I am slowly beginning to lose my job, and I am becoming obsessed with finding a way to last even one or perhaps two days without masturbation, which has become my best way of releasing tension. The problem is that immediately after releasing that tension I experience terrible frustration and withdraw into myself, and then the cycle begins again.

I have reached a wall that I want—and believe I absolutely need—to break through so I can begin putting my life together again. I am worried that I cannot stick to a decision to do or not do something. My mind immediately asks why I should deny myself something that will improve my mood, even if only briefly. It is a terrible feeling, and I want it to end.

The first step I took was reading your blog, and I am glad I found it.

I would be grateful if you could share the methods you use, or those used by the people who write to you, to escape this habit.

I still have a lot to write about the subject, but perhaps that can wait for our next exchange.

Regards.